Is True Love Only in the Movies? Ask the Penguins!

[I wrote this article in 2007. I believe the words still hold true. I certainly hope they do, as I've yet to find that special person that God has chosen for me!]

The themes of love and romance have always appealed to the appetites of mankind. Fictional works such as Electra, Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Height , and Doctor Zhivago, portray relationships of tremendous intensity and passion. The emotions invoked in the audience are so great that many consider the relationships depicted to be idyllic. Even St. Augustine confessed that “in the theaters I rejoiced together with lovers when they took … delight in each other, though it was only pretended in the play.”

However, in spiritual maturity St. Augustine “pit[ied] whoever rejoice[d] in his own wickedness.” Far from presenting the idyllic relationship, writers often present a fraud which appeals to our desire for intensity and intimacy. The compacting of the life of a relationship into a couple of hours of viewing or reading makes this deception possible. True love must last forever and it demands the virtues and emotions which are able to sustain the struggles of each day.

In 2005 a documentary which many regarded to authentically represent a story of true love won an Academy Award. Contrary to many films which receive such accolades, the couples presented were neither particularly attractive nor fashionable. However, they did provide an inspiring example of the qualities needed for a relationship of profound beauty. March of the Penguins depicts the mating and breeding of emperor penguins. Once each year thousands of penguins undertake a hundred kilometer pilgrimage from open water to their traditional breeding grounds. When they arrive they will court a partner with whom they will attempt to bring new life into the world. The female only lays a single egg.

“After the female lays the egg, she transfers it to the feet of the waiting male with a minimal exposure to the elements, as the intense cold will kill the developing embryo. The male tends to the egg when the female returns to the sea, now even further away, both in order to feed herself and to obtain extra food for feeding her chick when she returns. She has not eaten in two months and by the time she leaves the hatching area, she will have lost a third of her body weight.

For an additional two months, the males huddle together for warmth, and incubate their eggs. They endure temperatures approaching -62 °C (-80 °F), and their only source of water is snow that falls on the breeding ground. When the chicks hatch, the males have only a small meal to feed them … By the time they return, they have lost half their weight and have not eaten for four months.” - (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_of_the_Penguins)

March of the Penguins presents a number of elements that must be present and respected for a couple to find true love. These are the considerations and virtues that should be kept in my mind and worked on to be better prepared to receive true love:

(1) Patience

A hundred kilometer trek is not too an incredible distance – unless you’re a penguin! Male emperor penguins have to patiently wait for two months while their female partners walk to the water and then return to them! I often grow impatient just waiting for a ride to pick me up!

As difficult a virtue as patience is to foster, it is essential if you are to have a successful relationship. St. Paul tells us that “charity is patient, is kind.” (1 Corinthians 13) True love cannot exist without patience. The two are inseparable. Love is not for oneself, but must be directed towards another, reciprocated, and then shared. When one is impatient they wish to satisfy their own desires immediately. The selfish placing of one’s interests ahead of the interests of the one they claim to love will lead not to unity, but to division. However, “he that is patient, is governed with much wisdom” (Proverbs 14:29). A patient person is able to overcome the evil inclinations and carnal desires inherent within them (Genesis 8:21). A person’s heart is strengthened (James 5:8) by this victory - the heart with which they love. This leads to a greater victory: “A patient man shall bear for a time, and afterwards joy shall be restored to him.” (Ecclesiasticus 1:29)

Ask God that your heart, which is both His and yours, may be strengthened in this virtue so as to be able to love more purely and completely.

(2) Awareness of a Specific Time and a Specific Place

Penguins do not breed continuously, but once each year at roughly the same time. “All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). True love requires understanding the season in which the Lord has placed you and preparing for the season to come. If the penguins did not eat properly before their march, surely they would not be able to withstand the rigours imposed on them in bringing new life into the world. People often desire to be with a particular person as soon as they feel an attraction. It can be a struggle to understand why Our Lord does not will for two people to be together at a particular moment. However, use this is a time to prepare to receive His great gift, the gift of a spouse that can help you attain sanctity. Pray that you may prepare yourself well so that you can withstand the trials of the future to keep, hold, and provide for that person - temporally and spiritually.

The penguins also understand that God’s plan entails both a time and a place. Penguins have a particular breeding ground, and return to that spot yearly. When it came to pass that days of Jesus’ “assumption were accomplishing, … he steadfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem” (Luke 9:51). If God that has brought two people together, it is He that will show them where we must go. When He shows them, they must then go wherever He desires. Set your face like flint and go; regardless of the uncertainty, regardless of the cost. As the penguins set out across the snow and ice, they did not know what awaited them at the end of the journey. As Noah set out in the Ark, to what end did he think he was sailing? When you set out to be near the person the Lord desires for you, you will face many uncertainties. However, know that Christ will be with you, and that in Him, through your spouses support and love, you will become a saint. You will both become saints! Why worry when we know we rest in His love!?

(3) Sacrifice

For the love of their children, for the love of their partners, the Penguins are prepared to lay down their own lives. Christ tells us that “[g]reater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Marriage is a calling to this greatest of love: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it” (Ephesians 5:25). You must pray and long to be able to give your life more completely. With every word you speak and pray together, your hearts must grow closer to God. In time, you must learn to love so completely that there is nothing that you would not do for your spouse with Gods grace. Your career, your thoughts, your prayers, your life, though it is all Gods, you must desire to give it to that person so that they might present it to Him on your behalf, that the grace received may be shared.

Give praise to His holy name with two mouths but one heart joined in sacrificing love!

(4) Perseverance

It is the yearly perseverance of love that allows the Emperor Penguin to survive. “[H]e that shall persevere to the end, he shall be saved” (Matthew 24:13). You must will “[p]ersevere under discipline” (Hebrews 12:7). If God has brought you together, God will never abandon you! You will persevere in love, because in each other you will see the manifestation of God who is Love!

If you are called to marriage, finding the person Jesus desires for you is the search for the person in whom you find Jesus. May you find the soul that magnifies His presence in your life!

“Know you not that they that run in the race, all run indeed, but one receiveth the prize? So run that you may obtain.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)