Category — Love

To the Virgins, to make much of Time Robert Herrick, 1591–1674

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.

Sadly, with the flying of time the relevance of this poem has dissipated for all but a graced few. The poetry of today erodes love and leaves people broken and wounded:

Starstrukk 3OH!3, 2009

Nice legs, Daisy dukes,
Makes a man go whoo-whoo
That’s the way they all come through
Like whoo-whoo whoo-whoo
Low-cut, see-through shirts That make you whoo-whoo
That’s the way she come through
Like whoo-whoo whoo-whoo

…

Tight jeans, Double D’s Makin’ me go whoo-whoo
All the people on the street Know [whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo]
Iced-out, lit-up
Make the kids go whoo-whoo
All the people on the street Know whoo-whoo whoo-whoo

…

I think I should know how
To make love to something innocent
Without leaving my fingerprints out now
L-O-V-E’s just another word I’ll never learn to pronounce
How do I say I’m sorry
‘Cause the word is
Never gonna come out no
L-O-V-E’s just another word I never learned to pronounce
Push it baby
Push it baby out of control
I got my guns cocked tight And I’m ready to blow
Push it baby
Push it baby out of control This is the same old dance That you already know (x2)

I think I should know how
To make love to something innocent
Without leaving my fingerprints out no
L-O-V-E’s just another word
I’ll never learn to pronounce

The vast majority of today’s youth and young adults have the same pronunciation issues. The language of Love is not only being destroyed but eradicated:

“Without stimuli, the human being does not reach it’s psychological telos. Children who hear no language before their tenth year will never learn to speak; for disuse, the corelation of no excitation, breeds decay.” - Dale C. Allison Jr., The Luminous Dusk at 34.

—

Lord, help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein. Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen.

In today’s Gospel, Jesus presents a new commandment to his disciples:

“My children, I will be with you only a little while longer.
I give you a new commandment: love one another.
As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.
This is how all will know that you are my disciples,
if you have love for one another.”

Today’s homilist at St. Theresa’s Parish, Fr. Gabriel Achu, C.Ss.R., asked how this could be presented as a new commandment? Indeed, in Leviticus 19:18 a parallel law is presented:

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against any of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD.

Jesus makes this commandment new by both expanding those to whom it applies and by demonstrating the essence of love.

As the story of the Good Samaritan illustrates, Jewish understanding of how one loves their neighbour was confined by the place of Israel as God’s chosen people. This distinction created a chasm between Israelites and other nations. Members of other nations were simply not considered to be neighbours. Jesus’ extension of love and salvation to the Gentiles therefore scandalized the Pharisees and the Scribes. His commandment was not new in the sense that God did not before require love. It was new in that Jesus requested that we show love to all peoples.

As Father Gabriel touched upon, Jesus also presented a new understanding of the essence of love. As long as acts of love were constrained within the community of Israelites they remained self-serving. Most political philosophers extol the desirability of law and good works based on utility: as no one is permitted to harm another no one will see themselves harmed; if one is expected to provide benefit to their neighbour one may also expect to receive benefit. Sadly, these theories are often applied by most Christians. It’s the Christmas Gift Principle: give to those who give to you… and in equal value.

But Jesus demands a greater love. It must be a free gift and never an exchange. Love is not like a financial relationship which ought to have fulfilling benefits for both parties with a breach nullifying the agreement. True Christian love is always gift and sacrifice. God is Love, love is everything and love, like that given by Jesus on the cross, requires sacrifice…

When my father passed away several years ago my mother took it upon herself to visit his grave as frequently as possible. It wasn’t out of a sense of duty or obligation. Having been his constant companion for over thirty years she felt a visceral desire to continue to remain as close to his side as was now possible. And so his grave was transformed to a garden. While others planted sod my mother planted tulips and marigolds. She even had a planter box custom built in the shape of a cross. When it didn’t rain she would transport gallons of water from our home in whatever water receptacle was available: pop bottles, buckets, watering cans. Invariably, more water would fall onto the floor in the back of our car than would water the flowers at Topsoil Cemetery. She spent countless hours caring for those plants. She spent many more crying and in prayer.

The loss of a loved one is a life-changing moment. Greater though are small events that bond us to them. I found myself in a cemetery this evening searching for a grave I had never visited belonging to a person I had never met. With only a rough idea of when he had passed on I knew the chances of finding his monument stone was slim. But I felt the need to search. I passed by the bodies of hundred of souls, none of whom had any connection to me. Yet as I read their names I couldn’t help but think how each person had meant the world to someone. Like the grave of my father, each of these plots had been watered by the tears of people whose lives were forever altered by the loss.

And I was filled with peace.

All who walk this earth are filled with struggle and anxiety. Lives are shattered and rebuilt, only to crash again. Tragedy assuages us and troubles are unrelenting. But there are joyous moments, too. Marriages and first born children. Friends and laughter. A quiet night by a fire or the beauty of a smile which stuns you more than the most glorious sunset ever could. How insignificant are the falls when compared to the miracle of the human experience!?

And so I searched for the grave of a person I had never met. But his life forever changed the life of someone who has brightened my life more than the sun that shone down upon me this evening. At the end all our worries and concerns will be for naught but love will endure. From ever tear that waters a grave life will spring and blossom and the world will be changed forever.

Stephanie Cranford, soprano, Robin Williams, piano, and Theodoric Nowak, reader, perform at St. Teresa’s Parish, St. John’s, Newfoundland.

‘If you don’t have love in your heart you should say nothing’ - Paraphrased from a speech from Michael Coren (given in the context of pro-life advocacy)

I’m currently reading a book by Ernesto Cardenal entitled “Love: a Glimpse of Eternity”. Yes, Cardenal is a prominent liberation theologian and no, I wouldn’t ordinarily have much of an interest in his work. However, Thomas Merton wrote the introduction and one would expect anything which Merton endorses to be interesting if not worthwhile. And who doesn’t love love, anyway?

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the foundational premise and thesis of the book: “Love is“. As Merton summarizes:

With the depth of conviction Cardenal speaks again and again of that which simply is. Love is. All else is not, because in the same measure in which things partake of being, they partake of love. All that is not love, is not. All that which is, has its being and its action in love.

Merton continues by contrasting the moralist’s view of love with that of the mystic. Whereas the moralist would see love as one of several virtues, Merton opines that love is all: “The virtues are manifestations of a love that is alive and hale. And the vices are symptoms of an enfeebled love, a love that refuses to be what it is in its essence.”

This deconstruction of virtue and vice leads to a parallel dichotomous reconstruction, but one containing a marked positive slant.  All is either love or love’s contradiction, but even the contradictions are love - but in disguise:

Actually there is nothing else but love. But this love may live in contradiction with itself. It may at one and the same time be love and hate, love and greed, love and fear, love and envy, love and lust. It is destined, however, to be simply love, without any self-contradictory admixture. And love cannot fulfill its true destiny if we merely try to suppress our hatred, our fear, our greed, our jealousies, our lusts. These evil forces receive their strength solely from love. To supress them is to suppress love. On the contrary, these evil drives ought to be made fully conscious of themselves as love in disguise, and if this is the case, they will not be able to divert the potency of love to the service of that which is not love.

If you have trouble deciphering the language of relativism, Merton is essentially saying the following : “All is love, except that which is not love, which is still love, but in disguise. So even though it’s an evil force we must not suppress it for though it’s a contradiction to love it is in fact destined to be love and therefore it is love (though as as mentioned, in disguise). So it’s at once both not yet simply love and, in fact, love!” It all seems circular and metaphysical to the point of being unintelligible and absurd. It’s certainly absurd.

But there’s a conclusion amidst the relativistic nonsense which has value if salvaged from the verbal morass of ideology.   I’ve commented before that the true mark of love is passion. As the love of the Father and the Son begets the fire of the Holy Spirit, so holy and true love creates fire within our hearts. This ardent love which propels us is what I would describe as passion. If directed to good, to God, it creates a refiners fire, purifying and strengthening love. Perfecting love. Yet if it is either overtly directed away from God or simply disregarded, neglected and permitted to burn freely it acts in contradiction to love. Though its source is love it can turn against its creator.

So while Merton states that there is nothing else but love, I would interpret this as suggesting that love is the root of all and that love is the object toward which all our passions are directed. Everything we do either is done in love and for love or to abandon or destroy love. Therefore, our actions are not love itself but the passions that shape the love we hold and share. Unfortunately, there are sadly too many examples where Christians forget that love is the greatest of all considerations and become enslaved to the rigidity of ideology and the law. It is not the orthodox pursuer of truth but the hypocrite who, like the pharisee, places the law above love. As St. Paul tells us in Galatians 5:15, “if you are led by the Spirit, you are not subject to the law.” As Jesus came not to abolish the law of Moses but to fulfill it, we must strive to fulfill the law by acting not in slavery to the law but under the spirit and in the love of God and neighbor. Therefore, the root of relationship with Christ is not adherence to the law through obedience but fulfillment of the law through love. For the Christian love is the answer and must be in all that we do and say.

—-

I’ve wanted to write a blog on the following passage for a long time. Please send me your thoughts by commenting below or email me if your thoughts are personal:

“The truth is that wherever a man lies with a woman, there, whether they like it or not, a transcendental relation is set up between them which must be eternally enjoyed or eternally endured.” - C. S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters

I had a feeling that some people would know precisely what I’m getting at here while others would be lost… I know there’s an interesting mixture of terms, but I think it’s the description of the emotive that some struggle to grasp. Let me know if you understand what I’m getting at. I’ve received a bunch of emails on this, but I’d like to get some comments in the comment section, please!

—

Life can be tough when you’re an idealist driven by passion, especially when you hold an unrelenting commitment to rationality. The soul within you pines for purity while your mind reminds you that we’re all stained by original sin. Internally you are fed by hope and trust, but the outsiders inevitably inadvertently winnows your sustenance, claiming that you are uncompromising, that you are searching for something that does not exist. But the rational idealist does know compromise. What others may not see is that it must be negotiated between the head and the heart:

“I should like balls infinitely better,” said Caroline Bingley, “if they were carried on in a different manner … It would surely be much more rational if conversation instead of dancing made the order of the day.”

“Much more rational, I dare say,” replied her brother, “but it would not be near so much like a Ball.” We are told that the lady was silenced: yet it could be maintained that Jane Austen has not allowed Bingley to put forward the full strength of his position. He ought to have replied with a distinguo. In one sense, conversation is more rational, for conversation may exercise the reason alone, dancing does not. But there is nothing irrational in exercising other powers than our reason. On certain occasions and for certain purposes the real irrationality is with those who will not do so. The man who would try to break a horse or write a poem or beget a child by pure syllogizing would be an irrational man; though at the same time syllogizing is in itself a more rational activity than the activities demanded by these achievements. It is rational not to reason, or not to limit oneself to reason, in the wrong place; and the more rational a man is the better he knows this. - C.S. Lewis, “Priestesses in the Church”

The reasoning idealist finds compromise challenging but attainable precisely because he knows that the incomprehensibility of passion and love can’t be grasped through reason. However, if his mind were to actively pursue this necessary compromise his idealist heart would shout of betrayal. Compromise without contradiction can only be attained when the rationality of the mind assents to the passionate pleading of the heart.

I’m almost done a long post on God’s will. I hope to put half of it up tomorrow and the rest, which I need to tweak, in a few days. In the meantime this cracked me up and I wanted to share it:

Spanish love Songs

It’s not very often that I reproduce an entire article. However, I have a number of friends who have explored online dating (myself included) and when I read this piece I thought that it was worth sharing. Many believe a person must intrepidly pursue their one “true love”. Others see true love as arising from the choice of one suitable person out of a number. Which view is correct can be speculated upon but never known. But it really doesn’t matter. For a person to experience true love he must ultimately make the choice to commit himself body, mind and soul to the one person who God - who knows all things - always knew he would become one with. Free will, predestination, omnipotence. Yes, true love is always paradoxical and impossible to grasp in the prospective. However, for the lucky ones that find true love it is always real and providential:

“My Turn” - by Stephanie Wood

One of my favorite features of the Catholic Match Magazine has long been the Success Stories. Reading about how God has brought so many couples together - sometimes across great distances, despite large obstacles, almost always to the shock and surprise of the couple – has given me hope. In fact, I must attribute at least a few of my decisions to renew my CM membership “for at least one more year” to the testimonies of couples who’ve shared their success stories with the rest of us. It reminds me of the story of the paralytic in the Bible – who was healed by Jesus on the faith of his friends, not on his own inner strength. There certainly have been many times in my life when I didn’t have the patience or the faith to believe that God had someone waiting for me on a Catholic singles website.

That all changed when I met my husband on Catholic Match. Thanks to God’s grace and CM, my whole life has been changed and blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Peter and I were married on July 3, 2009, and I am so excited to share our Catholic Match success story with you. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Before I tell you our story, I want to share with you a little of my own.

World’s Worst Holiday…for Single People

It was New Year’s Eve 2004. I was in exactly the same place I had spent most New Years prior: sitting on my parent’s couch in my pajamas, watching old movies and babysitting my younger siblings while my parents went out for the night. I must admit, New Year’s Eve has always been my least favorite holiday for single people – for me, even worse than Valentine’s Day. Many of you might agree with me – this particular Eve is just MADE for couples – it’s all about sharing a bottle of champagne and watching Dick count down the seconds as the ball drops…singing Auld Lang Syne and kissing the one you love at the stroke of midnight. The experience isn’t remotely as wonderful when you’re single.

Up until that night, I had been very “anti” anything to do with online dating. My father is a national speaker and author on marriage and family topics, and he even titled a chapter in one of his books “Romeo Online,” encouraging singles to use the internet as a medium for meeting marriage material. Whenever anyone mentioned my Dad’s “Romeo Online” chapter to me, I just rolled my eyes. I had absolutely convinced myself that singles websites were only for desperate people and old people, and I considered myself neither desperate nor old. On one occasion, when a friend asked why I hadn’t joined any of the Catholic dating websites, I answered: “I’ll join one of those when I turn 65 or when hell freezes over – whichever comes first.”

I wasn’t just a skeptic. I was a die-hard disbeliever that online dating was “normal,” and I was absolutely certainly that it would never work for me.

However, in a moment of weakness on that frosty New Year’s Eve, I signed up for a one year membership to CatholicMatch.com. I sheepishly admit, I was extremely surprised by what I found. There were TONS of single Catholics on the website, and from my initial browsing around, it appeared that my fellow CM members weren’t all four decades my seniors, as I had feared. All age groups, ethnic groups, geographic areas, etc. etc. seemed to be amply represented. And to top it all off, these people seemed oddly normal! I felt the prejudices and fears I had built up in my mind about online dating begin to topple like Joshua’s walls in Jericho.

Out of My Prejudices and into the Community

Over the next several years, God poured numerous blessings into my life through Catholic Match. The first was the gift of friendship. Through emotigrams, emails, chats, and forum discussions, I have come to know many wonderful people whom I honored to call friends.

The second was the gift of a sharpened, strengthened faith. I’ve had fascinating discussions (and yes, some debates – gotta love the Forum debates!) with fellow CM members that have drawn me into a deeper knowledge and love for my faith. I have learned so much from so many of you.

Thirdly, I learned a lot about life and relationships from my CM dating experience, and from the shared experiences of others. I learned how difficult (but still worth it) long distance relationships were. I learned how powerful and how necessary good skills in communication could be when you’re meeting someone new on the internet. I learned how to be more discerning, how to listen better. I’ve experienced my own share of heartache, disappointment, and heartbreak over CM relationships – but even in hard times I learned so much about myself and what I was looking for in a husband.

The Dark Days

In the fall and winter of 2007, I experienced some of my darkest days as single person. Earlier in the year I had gone through a painful breakup, and I felt very very, very single…and very lost when it came to knowing what God wanted of me. I know that my vocation was to the married life, but I couldn’t understand what was taking God such a long time. I felt ready – and I was getting tired of waiting. My nightly prayers for God’s will, and for my future husband, were becoming slightly more desperate and much less faith-filled.

On November 23rd, my birthday, I decided to re-activate my Catholic Match membership. Earlier in the year I had let my account expire. After almost 3 years as a site user, I felt I had given God more than adequate time to find me someone online. On my birthday, CM sent me an email advertisement to re-activate my account at a special “birthday price.” When I read the email, I had this vision in my mind of standing before the throne of God someday after I had died, an old single spinster, and asking God what had I done wrong in the area of relationships? Why didn’t He fine me a spouse when I was trying so hard to do everything “right” to be available for the right person? In my mind I saw God smile at me and say “Steph, I had him waiting for you along for you on the Internet – but you wouldn’t help me out by activating your account.” I decided I wasn’t going to give God ANY excuses – I whipped my credit card out of my wallet and re-activated my account right then and there.

A Soldier Returns

I received my first emotigram from Peter Weinert on December 18th, just three weeks later. Peter had spent the previous 17 months overseas in the deserts of Iraq, serving our country. December 18th was his first day home, a civilian permanently done with deployment. The Lord had placed a strong conviction in his heart that it was time to settle down, enter his vocation and build a family and a home. Because of his extensive military service and work with the government overseas for much of the past decade, Peter did not have a large community of single Catholic friends to re-assimilate into. His older sister suggested Catholic Match, so he signed up, hoping to meet someone in the D.C. area where he now lived. He put in his profile that he would travel up to a 60 mile radius – he really wasn’t interested in a long distance relationship, especially after all the travel that had consumed his life for the past several years.

Later that day, Peter somehow came across my CM profile. In his words, he says that something about my eyes and my smile captured him, and he “just knew” that he was supposed to write me. If I responded, he was determined that I was the one he wanted to get to know better…

…even though I lived over 500 miles away.

Not Interested

I feel like an idiot admitting it now, but when Peter first started writing to me, I almost completely ignored him. From my quick perusal of his profile I saw an adorably handsome guy in a military uniform that couldn’t possibly be interested in any of the things I was interested in. I also saw how far away he lived, and with my anxieties about LDRs combined with my preconceived notion that Captain America in D.C. couldn’t possibly be “the one” – I wrote brief, non-committal, non-interesting replies to Pete’s emails, for about a month.

Towards the end of January, I’m not sure what happened, but something inside me sort of “woke up” when it came to my disinterest in Peter. I realized that this guy was still writing me occasionally – always kind, super respectful, and, if I admitted it, really funny emails. And I also realized that I paid him next to zero attention and hadn’t taken the time to ask him any questions about himself.

As a self-professed bibliophile, I started with a topic that’s my classic “litmus” test for a guy. I asked him if he liked to read, and if so, what topics. Peter replied with a huge “YES!!!” and said he loved to read a wide range of topics, but his top favs were theology and philosophy.

I was a theology and philosophy major in college. I thought to myself, “Perfect! This will be interesting…” and I asked him to tell me about some of his favorite theology books. “Well, Hahn and Kreeft are great. I’ve been reading some of the early church fathers, and I’m in the process of reading the Summa – all five volumes cover to cover – great stuff!”

I was shocked. I had never heard of a Captain America who read the Summa. I had to know more. Emails started flying up and down the Eastern seaboard as Peter and I discovered worlds of similarities and common interests.

When Mind Meets Mind

We discovered bucket loads of things in common. We both came from large Catholic families. We shared the experience of being homeschooled by our mothers when we were in grade school. Our parents had been involved in the same pro-life activist organization when we were kids. Peter’s dad grew up not too far from where my own father was raised in Pennsylvania. Our parents raised us and disciplined us in similar ways when we were growing up. We shared the same two favorite authors (Lewis and Chesterton). We shared the same favorite Bible verse. I chose it as my favorite when I was 13 and a new convert to Catholicism. Pete wore a cross with the verse engraved on the back during his military career (Proverbs 3:5-6). I found that a bit eerie, but the pièce de résistance was that we shared the same favorite brand and flavor of ice cream: Bryers mint chocolate chip. No substitutes, none of that green stuff – just Bryers. When I learned that, I figured either Peter had hired a detective to learn my quirks, or this guy was my soul mate.

We met in person three weeks later, and life, for either of us, has never been the same. When I picked Peter up at the Greenville, SC airport and we went out on our first date, we both knew we had a long road ahead of us and lots to learn about each other. At the same time, I think we both knew that this was the real thing – that this was finally, wonderfully, incredibly “it.”

Dad’s Permission

The weekend after our first date, Peter surprised me yet again by driving all the way from D.C. to Greenville for the sole purpose of taking my Dad out to lunch on a Monday afternoon and asking his permission to “get to know me better.” I had no idea about the trip until after the lunch, when Peter showed up at my office with flowers for my desk and an invitation to take me out to dinner. I knew that a guy who was willing to drive over 1000 miles roundtrip to take my Dad out to lunch was one in a million.

The Best Birthday Present Ever

I’ll be sharing some of our dating stories and the lessons we learned together in subsequent CM columns. But I must tell you here about the birthday present I received one year to the day after I had reactivated my Catholic Match profile.

It was Sunday, the Feast of Christ the King. After mass at St. Mary’s Church in Greenville, with my entire family kneeling down to offer a prayer of thanksgiving, Pete leaned over and whispered in my ear “Let’s go offer a prayer to the Queen Mother.”

We walked up to the front of the church, lit two candles at the Blessed Mother’s altar, and knelt down to say a prayer. As soon as I closed my eyes, Peter started whispering to me again. I opened my eyes to see his beet-red face and knew this was it. He pulled out the most beautiful ring I have ever seen, and asked me to be his wife and best friend forever. It was perfect!

During our afternoon of celebrating with family, we discovered that 28 years earlier, on a cold Sunday evening in Stoneham, Massachusetts, I had been born on the Feast of Christ the King. Since my family was Protestant when I was born, we never knew I was born on that Feast, which is a rotating feast day, until after we were engaged. Peter and I considered it just a little extra “confirmation” that we were meant for each other on this special day.

My Fairy Tale Come True

Peter and I were married on July 3rd, just over a month ago. He took me on a fantastic honeymoon trip to Greece, Turkey, and Italy. Not only my wonderful husband, but also our trip, was truly a fairy tale dream come true. I think back to those early days as a Catholic Match member, struggling with thoughts that this “online thing” could never work for me. How very glad I am to admit that I was wrong. I’ve learned in the most profound way how much BIGGER God’s plans and God’s ways are compared to our own. And when our faith is weak, He makes up for what is lacking and takes care of us anyway.

[...]

Back to Where it Started…

On that cold December day in 2004 when I first joined Catholic Match, I picked a username for my CM account that would help me remember the reason I joined, no matter what happened in my life through my involvement in the website. It was an important reminder to me each time I signed into the website. My username was “Romans828.” It’s a reference to a Bible verse, where St. Paul says:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Whether the Lord uses Catholic Match to introduce you to new friends, to help you grow in your understanding of our rich Catholic faith, or to lead you to your soul mate, never forget that His work in you is good, and his purpose is faithful and true.

[I wrote this article in 2007. I believe the words still hold true. I certainly hope they do, as I've yet to find that special person that God has chosen for me!]

The themes of love and romance have always appealed to the appetites of mankind. Fictional works such as Electra, Romeo and Juliet, Wuthering Height , and Doctor Zhivago, portray relationships of tremendous intensity and passion. The emotions invoked in the audience are so great that many consider the relationships depicted to be idyllic. Even St. Augustine confessed that “in the theaters I rejoiced together with lovers when they took … delight in each other, though it was only pretended in the play.”

However, in spiritual maturity St. Augustine “pit[ied] whoever rejoice[d] in his own wickedness.” Far from presenting the idyllic relationship, writers often present a fraud which appeals to our desire for intensity and intimacy. The compacting of the life of a relationship into a couple of hours of viewing or reading makes this deception possible. True love must last forever and it demands the virtues and emotions which are able to sustain the struggles of each day.

In 2005 a documentary which many regarded to authentically represent a story of true love won an Academy Award. Contrary to many films which receive such accolades, the couples presented were neither particularly attractive nor fashionable. However, they did provide an inspiring example of the qualities needed for a relationship of profound beauty. March of the Penguins depicts the mating and breeding of emperor penguins. Once each year thousands of penguins undertake a hundred kilometer pilgrimage from open water to their traditional breeding grounds. When they arrive they will court a partner with whom they will attempt to bring new life into the world. The female only lays a single egg.

“After the female lays the egg, she transfers it to the feet of the waiting male with a minimal exposure to the elements, as the intense cold will kill the developing embryo. The male tends to the egg when the female returns to the sea, now even further away, both in order to feed herself and to obtain extra food for feeding her chick when she returns. She has not eaten in two months and by the time she leaves the hatching area, she will have lost a third of her body weight.

For an additional two months, the males huddle together for warmth, and incubate their eggs. They endure temperatures approaching -62 °C (-80 °F), and their only source of water is snow that falls on the breeding ground. When the chicks hatch, the males have only a small meal to feed them … By the time they return, they have lost half their weight and have not eaten for four months.” - (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/March_of_the_Penguins)

March of the Penguins presents a number of elements that must be present and respected for a couple to find true love. These are the considerations and virtues that should be kept in my mind and worked on to be better prepared to receive true love:

(1) Patience

A hundred kilometer trek is not too an incredible distance – unless you’re a penguin! Male emperor penguins have to patiently wait for two months while their female partners walk to the water and then return to them! I often grow impatient just waiting for a ride to pick me up!

As difficult a virtue as patience is to foster, it is essential if you are to have a successful relationship. St. Paul tells us that “charity is patient, is kind.” (1 Corinthians 13) True love cannot exist without patience. The two are inseparable. Love is not for oneself, but must be directed towards another, reciprocated, and then shared. When one is impatient they wish to satisfy their own desires immediately. The selfish placing of one’s interests ahead of the interests of the one they claim to love will lead not to unity, but to division. However, “he that is patient, is governed with much wisdom” (Proverbs 14:29). A patient person is able to overcome the evil inclinations and carnal desires inherent within them (Genesis 8:21). A person’s heart is strengthened (James 5:8) by this victory - the heart with which they love. This leads to a greater victory: “A patient man shall bear for a time, and afterwards joy shall be restored to him.” (Ecclesiasticus 1:29)

Ask God that your heart, which is both His and yours, may be strengthened in this virtue so as to be able to love more purely and completely.

(2) Awareness of a Specific Time and a Specific Place

Penguins do not breed continuously, but once each year at roughly the same time. “All things have their season, and in their times all things pass under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). True love requires understanding the season in which the Lord has placed you and preparing for the season to come. If the penguins did not eat properly before their march, surely they would not be able to withstand the rigours imposed on them in bringing new life into the world. People often desire to be with a particular person as soon as they feel an attraction. It can be a struggle to understand why Our Lord does not will for two people to be together at a particular moment. However, use this is a time to prepare to receive His great gift, the gift of a spouse that can help you attain sanctity. Pray that you may prepare yourself well so that you can withstand the trials of the future to keep, hold, and provide for that person - temporally and spiritually.

The penguins also understand that God’s plan entails both a time and a place. Penguins have a particular breeding ground, and return to that spot yearly. When it came to pass that days of Jesus’ “assumption were accomplishing, … he steadfastly set his face to go to Jerusalem” (Luke 9:51). If God that has brought two people together, it is He that will show them where we must go. When He shows them, they must then go wherever He desires. Set your face like flint and go; regardless of the uncertainty, regardless of the cost. As the penguins set out across the snow and ice, they did not know what awaited them at the end of the journey. As Noah set out in the Ark, to what end did he think he was sailing? When you set out to be near the person the Lord desires for you, you will face many uncertainties. However, know that Christ will be with you, and that in Him, through your spouses support and love, you will become a saint. You will both become saints! Why worry when we know we rest in His love!?

(3) Sacrifice

For the love of their children, for the love of their partners, the Penguins are prepared to lay down their own lives. Christ tells us that “[g]reater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). Marriage is a calling to this greatest of love: “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it” (Ephesians 5:25). You must pray and long to be able to give your life more completely. With every word you speak and pray together, your hearts must grow closer to God. In time, you must learn to love so completely that there is nothing that you would not do for your spouse with Gods grace. Your career, your thoughts, your prayers, your life, though it is all Gods, you must desire to give it to that person so that they might present it to Him on your behalf, that the grace received may be shared.

Give praise to His holy name with two mouths but one heart joined in sacrificing love!

(4) Perseverance

It is the yearly perseverance of love that allows the Emperor Penguin to survive. “[H]e that shall persevere to the end, he shall be saved” (Matthew 24:13). You must will “[p]ersevere under discipline” (Hebrews 12:7). If God has brought you together, God will never abandon you! You will persevere in love, because in each other you will see the manifestation of God who is Love!

If you are called to marriage, finding the person Jesus desires for you is the search for the person in whom you find Jesus. May you find the soul that magnifies His presence in your life!

“Know you not that they that run in the race, all run indeed, but one receiveth the prize? So run that you may obtain.” (1 Corinthians 9:24)

[It's late and I'm tired, but I wanted to get this out. I will proof read it tomorrow. I may improve upon it in the future, as I'm passionate about this topic. I hope you find it fruitful nonetheless.]

On opening night of the “Passion of the Christ” I stood in line outside the theater with ticket in hand and trepidation in my heart. Amidst those that had pre-screened the movie and declared its emotive brilliance were many others who criticized the imagery as being too graphic and intense. I was worried that I might also be overwhelmed with the movies portrayals. I expressed these concerns to my friend (read his blog here) who urged me not to focus upon the great suffering which Jesus endured during His passion, but the infinite love which impelled Him to take up the cross. The story which he then recounted to me remains one of my favourite declarations of God’s love for humanity. Julian of Norwich was a medieval English mystic. Among the many ecstasies she experienced were a series of visions in which she witnessed Christ’s final agony on the cross. The face of Jesus was bloody, torn and ravaged, distended and disfigured to such a degree that He was scarcely recognizable. As she gazed upon our suffering Saviour and contemplated His agony, He suddenly opened his eyes and looked upon her:

The Lord: Are you well satisfied that I suffered for you?

Julian: Yes, good Lord, all my thanks to you; yes, good Lord, blessed may you be.

The Lord: If you are satisfied, I am satisfied. It is a joy, a bliss, an endless delight to me that ever I suffered my Passion for you; and if I could suffer more, I should suffer more.

(Revelations of Divine Love, Ch 22, http://www.ccel.org/ccel/julian/revelations.x.i.html)

God’s suffering for our sins, the laying down of His life, constitutes the greatest sacrifice of time memorial and eternal. One can not but be satisfied, comforted, by so loving a God. Yet Jesus’ love for us is divinely without limit. Though He suffered to the full extent permitted by His human nature, He was desirous to that He could manifest His love further: “if I could suffer more, I should suffer more.”

St. Bernard of Clairvaux similarly relates God’s superabundant passion for the good of man: “How great was this love! If Christ the Son of the living God had as many parts of His body as there are stars in the firmament of heaven, and if each of these parts had its own body, Christ would have exposed all of them to the Passion, rather that leave a single soul unredeemed from the clutches of the devil. O what mercy, and how great is the mercy of God!”

“Now the grace of our Lord hath abounded exceedingly with faith and love, which is in Christ Jesus”, writes St. Paul. (1 Timothy 1:15 – DRB) God is not satisfied with mere satisfaction, but desires to do all good in excess. In explaining the writings of Peter Lombard, Richard Viladesau wrote in “The Beauty of the Cross”, “[b]y His passion and death, Christ merited something more than He had merited previously for Himself: namely, our salvation. He could not gain any higher degree of merit than He had simply by His virtuous life; but in the passion Christ obtained more merit – namely, for us. He did so by making himself, in death, a sacrificial offering for our liberation.”

In merit, grace and love – in all virtue – God desires more and He desires us to desire more. In reflection of the love shown on the cross, our service must be passionate. Passion for holiness is virtuous and pleasing to God. Writing on passion in the Summa, Aquinas addresses the question of whether moral virtue can exist without passion:

“If we take the passions as being inordinate emotions, as the Stoics did, it is evident that in this sense perfect virtue is without the passions. But if by passions we understand any movement of the sensitive appetite, it is plain that moral virtues, which are about the passions as about their proper matter, cannot be without passions. The reason for this is that otherwise it would follow that moral virtue makes the sensitive appetite altogether idle: whereas it is not the function of virtue to deprive the powers subordinate to reason of their proper activities, but to make them execute the commands of reason, by exercising their proper acts. Wherefore just as virtue directs the bodily limbs to their due external acts, so does it direct the sensitive appetite to its proper regulated movements.

Those moral virtues, however, which are not about the passions, but about operations, can be without passions. Such a virtue is justice: because it applies the will to its proper act, which is not a passion. Nevertheless, joy results from the act of justice; at least in the will, in which case it is not a passion. And if this joy be increased through the perfection of justice, it will overflow into the sensitive appetite; in so far as the lower powers follow the movement of the higher, as stated above (17, 7; 24, 3). Wherefore by reason of this kind of overflow, the more perfect a virtue is, the more does it cause passion.”

Jesus came that me have life and have it abundantly (cf. John 10:10). Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. Then love more. Pursue the greater glory of God with this passion and your cup will overflow.